Blondi, Pam Blondi #3

The Princess Gambit

Pam Blondi sat in her office, her realm of modern elegance and calculated control. The room was pristine, designed to impress and intimidate. A solid wood desk sat at its center, polished to a mirror-like sheen, with chrome accents catching the late afternoon light. Against the far wall, a leather love seat faced a sleek coffee table, flanked by a single chair. On the coffee table were two meticulously wrapped burritos and a plain manila folder, fat with damning papers but devoid of any identifying marks.

Pam herself was seated behind her desk, tapping away at her laptop, her face the picture of calm focus. She double-checked the room, ensuring everything was exactly as it should be. Kash Kartel would be arriving any moment, and Pam prided herself on preparation. Appearances mattered. No—appearances were everything.

Her assistant’s voice came through the intercom. “Ms. Blondi, Mr. Kartel is here.”

Pam allowed herself a small, predatory smile. “Send him in.”

The door opened, and Kash Kartel stepped inside, his expensive cologne arriving a second before he did. Dressed in a tailored suit, he carried himself with his usual air of polished arrogance. But Pam, ever the keen observer, noted the tension in his shoulders and the slight tightness around his eyes. Good. She liked him nervous.

“Kash,” she said warmly, standing and motioning toward the chair opposite the love seat. “Please, have a seat. I’ll join you in a moment.”

As Kash sat, Pam’s assistant appeared at the door, clipboard in hand. “Ms. Blondi, the courier is here with documents for your signature.”

Pam sighed theatrically. “One moment, Kash. Duty calls.” She strode toward the assistant, clipboard in hand, her back to Kash.

The instant she turned away, Kash’s hand darted toward the coffee table. With practiced ease, he swapped the two burritos. He leaned back in the chair, his face a mask of innocence as Pam returned and seated herself gracefully on the love seat.

“Shall we eat first, or talk business?” she asked, reaching for one of the burritos without hesitation.

Kash’s eyes flicked to her hand, his mind racing. She hadn’t noticed the switch. Or had she? Pam’s expression gave nothing away as she unwrapped her burrito and took a deliberate bite. Kash hesitated but eventually followed suit.

Pam chewed thoughtfully, her eyes locked on Kash, her smile barely perceptible. Inside, she was laughing. She’d seen The Princess Bride too many times to count, and Vizzini’s immortal words echoed in her mind: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” Of course Kash would try to outwit her. She’d counted on it.

Both burritos were spiked with mushrooms, carefully measured to achieve the desired effect: just enough to make the room shimmer and soften Kash’s defenses, but not enough to send him spiraling into full-blown hallucinations. Kash wouldn’t be tripping today—not like Wiley E. Suzzi and her unforgettable ambulance ride. Pam needed Kash lucid enough to understand the gravity of her offer.

As they ate, Pam watched for the signs. They came quickly. Kash’s pupils dilated, his posture relaxed, and he blinked at the room as if noticing details for the first time. She waited until he set the burrito down and rubbed his temples.

“Interesting burritos,” Kash said cautiously, his voice thick with suspicion.

Pam smiled. “A personal recipe. I find they make discussions more... productive.”

Kash straightened in his chair, his wariness returning. “You’re not here to talk about Grump, are you?”

“Oh, we’ll get to Grump,” Pam said, setting her own burrito down and leaning back against the love seat. “But first, we need to talk about you.”

“Me?” Kash’s voice betrayed a hint of nervousness.

“Yes, you,” Pam said, her tone soft but relentless. “Kash, your future is at a crossroads. Grump’s time is running out, and you’re too smart not to see it. I’m offering you a way to land on the winning side—and avoid some very unpleasant headlines.”

She picked up the manila folder, tapping it lightly against her palm. “The Gaytz debacle. The pictures, the texts, the payoffs... It’s all here. If this goes public, your career is over.”

Kash froze, his expression carefully neutral. “What do you want?”

Pam smiled, setting the folder on the table. “Simple. You work for me now. Grump’s ship is sinking, and you’re going to help me manage the fallout. Starting with Catty Gaytz.”

Kash’s jaw tightened. “What about Catty?”

Pam’s smile turned predatory. “Catty’s getting a new job. I’ve arranged for her to take a position as Assistant to the Ambassador of Thailand. Her wife, Ginger, will be going with her. They’ll stay out of the way, and if Ginger happens to run into trouble... well, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Kash blinked. “Trouble? What kind of trouble?”

Pam leaned forward, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “While visiting a temple, Ginger’s purse will be stolen. When the thief is caught—and he will be caught—her bag will be searched. Inside, they’ll find about 20 grams of Nose Candy. She’ll be arrested on the spot.”

Kash’s face paled. “That’s insane! Thai prisons are—”

“Hellholes?” Pam interjected smoothly. “Yes, I know. That’s the point. But don’t worry. I have connections. For the right price, that Nose Candy will turn into harmless baking soda, and Ginger will be released after a... lengthy misunderstanding.”

Kash exhaled slowly, running a hand through his hair. “You’re using Ginger to control Catty.”

“Exactly,” Pam said, her tone icy. “And once I have Natty under my thumb, I’ll have you where I want you as well. Your markers transfer to me, Kash. You’ll ensure that Grump’s allies stay in line while I prepare to remove him from the board.”

Kash swallowed hard. “And Grump? What’s your plan for him?”

Pam leaned back, her smile widening. “Grump won’t make it to January 6th. Legally, he’ll be declared mentally incompetent. Congress will certify the election for DJ Prancer instead.”

“DJ Prancer?” Kash asked, his voice incredulous. “The rapper?”

Pam nodded. “Grump Jr. and Earwic are obsessed with him. They convinced Grump to pick him as Vice President. He’s young, popular, and exactly the kind of distraction we need.”

Kash stared at her, realization dawning. “You’ve thought of everything.”

Pam’s smile turned cold. “Of course I have. That’s why you’re going to do exactly as I say.”

Kash hesitated, his gaze flicking to the folder. He sighed in defeat. “I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“No,” Pam said, standing and extending her hand. “You don’t.”

Kash shook it, his grip weak. Pam watched him leave, her smile returning as the colors in the room seemed to glow just a little brighter. She was playing the long game, and the pieces were falling perfectly into place.