Bradley Brooks #1
Bradley Brooks and the Great Chicken Ranch Scandal (Where Cocks Rule and Hens Lay the Truth) - The conference hall was packed with farmers, agriculture lobbyists, and confused reporters. At the podium stood Bradley Brooks, the Secretary of Agriculture, who had become the nation’s leading voice on poultry economics after telling struggling families to just raise their own chickens to afford eggs.
DJT
3/6/20253 min read
Chapter 38: Bradley Brooks and the Great Chicken Ranch Scandal (Where Cocks Rule and Hens Lay the Truth)
The conference hall was packed with farmers, agriculture lobbyists, and confused reporters.
At the podium stood Bradley Brooks, the Secretary of Agriculture, who had become the nation’s leading voice on poultry economics after telling struggling families to just raise their own chickens to afford eggs.
Today, he was taking it a step further.
With a giant PowerPoint slide behind him reading:
"CHICKEN RANCHING: THE AMERICAN DREAM"
Bradley cleared his throat, adjusted his mic, and smiled confidently.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, "Today, I’m going to teach you how to start your own Chicken Ranch.”
A few reporters exchanged glances.
A woman in the front row choked on her coffee.
Bradley ignored them and kept going.
"Let's Talk About Cocks!"
“To start a successful Chicken Ranch,” Bradley continued, “you need a proper ratio of cocks to hens.”
A journalist’s pen froze mid-air.
Bradley clicked to the next slide.
On the screen, a large rooster stood proudly over a group of hens.
“The cock, or rooster, is the most important part of any Chicken Ranch.”
A man in the back snorted.
Bradley nodded seriously.
“A strong, dominant cock keeps the hens in line, fertilizes the eggs, and ensures the whole operation runs smoothly.”
A journalist choked on his water.
A staffer near the podium turned pale.
Bradley continued, completely oblivious.
“Now, some people ask me, ‘How many cocks do I need for a successful ranch?’”
He smiled warmly.
“The answer is: not too many.”
A low murmur spread through the crowd.
He clicked to the next slide.
“TOO MANY COCKS CAN RUIN A GOOD RANCH.”
At this point, half the room was trying not to burst out laughing.
Bradley remained completely straight-faced.
“A good rule of thumb,” he explained, “is one strong cock per ten to fifteen hens.”
A reporter’s hand shot up.
“Uh, Secretary Brooks—”
He cut him off.
“And let me tell you—hens love a strong cock.”
The room exploded.
Some reporters covered their faces.
Others openly howled.
Bradley looked confused.
“What? It’s true!” he said, completely missing the point.
“Nothing’s worse than a weak cock.”
Rooster Hierarchies & The Danger of Fighting Cocks
He clicked to the next slide.
A picture of two roosters squaring off in a dirt yard appeared.
“Now, some of you may be wondering—‘Bradley, what happens if I put too many cocks together?’”
A man in the back coughed violently.
Bradley waved his hand.
“Well, let me tell you, cocks don’t like competition.”
At this point, a Fox News reporter had to step out of the room to laugh.
“If you have too many cocks in one place, they’ll start fighting.”
Bradley paused for dramatic effect.
“This is why you need to separate your cocks.”
A young journalist let out a strangled squeak.
Bradley smiled warmly.
“You have to give your cocks their own territory so they don’t start, well, getting aggressive.”
Hens Need Time to Lay
He clicked to the next slide.
This one featured a single hen sitting peacefully on a nest.
“Now, let’s talk about egg production.”
He pointed to the screen.
“Your hens will lay eggs only if they’re satisfied.”
A reporter burst out laughing.
Bradley raised an eyebrow.
“What?” he asked.
He clicked to the next slide.
The next slide read:
“STRESSED HENS WON’T LAY – GIVE THEM WHAT THEY NEED!”
“This is an important lesson,” he said, nodding wisely. “A stressed hen won’t lay eggs. That’s why you need a good, reliable cock to keep them happy.”
At this point, a CNN reporter had slid under the table, shaking with silent laughter.
Bradley put his hands on his hips.
“I don’t know why some of you are giggling,” he scolded. “This is serious farm business.”
Q&A Disaster
He sighed and motioned to the press.
“Alright, I’ll take some questions.”
A journalist raised a shaking hand.
“Yes, you—go ahead.”
The journalist barely held it together.
“Uh, Secretary Brooks… How do you… um… choose the right cock for your ranch?”
The room erupted.
Bradley rolled his eyes.
“You people are ridiculous,” he muttered.
He clicked the next slide:
“CHOOSING THE RIGHT COCK FOR YOUR RANCH”
He ignored the laughter and kept going.
“Now, this is crucial,” he said, dead serious.
“You want a cock that’s confident, strong, and not too aggressive.”
He wagged a finger at the audience.
“A cock that’s too aggressive will stress the hens.”
The cameraman shook trying to hold the shot steady.
“But a cock that’s too passive?”
He shook his head sadly.
“No eggs.”
Final Words of Wisdom
Bradley adjusted his microphone.
“In closing, remember: every ranch needs a balance.”
He clicked to the final slide.
A picture of a perfect farm, with a single rooster standing proudly among happy hens.
“With the right cock-to-hen ratio, you’ll have a happy, productive Chicken Ranch.”
He smiled warmly.
“And trust me—your hens will thank you.”
The room collapsed into total chaos.
Meanwhile, on Twitter…
#ChickenRanch was trending #1 worldwide.
The top tweet read:
🚨 BREAKING: “Bradley Brooks gives national lecture on Cock Management” 🚨
The comments were relentless.
🔥 "Finally, someone in government knows how to handle cocks."
🔥 "He really said ‘hens love a strong cock’ on live TV."
🔥 "America needed this.