Donold J. Grump #11

Disloyalty in the Details

The dining suite at Maga Logo had settled into an eerie calm. The earlier chaos of Stevie Boot-Liquor sniffing shoes like a hound dog on a sugar high had left an odd scent lingering in the air—polish, musk, and something faintly resembling mushrooms. Donold J. Grump sat alone at the table, his gold-threaded diaper crinkling as he shifted in his chair.

The list of loyalty results from Stevie’s sniff test lay spread before him, each number and score feeling like a personal insult. Disloyalty in his inner circle? Unthinkable. Yet, here it was in black and white, daring him to confront it.

Sparky, his ever-present and invisible confidant, perched on the edge of the table, his molten gold eyes scanning the paper.

“Seven totally disloyal,” Sparky rumbled, his voice tinged with amusement. “That’s a lot of rot, Donny.”

Grump scowled, jabbing a finger at the first name on the list. “Of course they’re disloyal, Sparky. They’re Democrats. It’s in their nature. Look—Barackus Ohbummer. Disloyalty radiates off that guy. Always plotting, always scheming. No surprises here.”

Sparky chuckled, his tail flicking lazily. “Yeah, that one’s a given.”

Grump moved his finger down the list, his frown deepening. “And Hillara Cleansing. Ugh. I beat her fair and square, but she still can’t let it go. Probably still emailing herself about it.”

“Probably,” Sparky said, smirking.

Grump’s voice grew louder as he continued. “Joe Robinette Hidein! Ha! This guy couldn’t find loyalty with a map and a flashlight. He’s barely aware of what planet he’s on.”

“Donny,” Sparky interrupted, “you do realize these are all the obvious ones, right? What about the rest?”

Grump ignored him, his focus shifting to the next name. “Alexia Occasional-Kortex. Always trying to tax my golf courses, Sparky. Total disloyalty. She wants to redistribute my success. My hard-earned money!”

“Hard-earned?” Sparky repeated with a raised eyebrow.

Grump waved him off, jabbing the next name. “Nancy Pelosium. A hand-waver and troublemaker. Disloyal to her core. And Chuckie Schoomacher? Forget it. Those glasses are a disguise. Probably hiding his schemes behind them.”

“And then there’s Bernie Sandblaster,” Grump added, his voice dripping with disdain. “Wants to give away all my money—MY money—to free-loaders. Socialism, Sparky! Can’t have it.”

Sparky tilted his head, a grin spreading across his face. “You seem very passionate about these ones, Donny. But let’s move on. The Democrats are easy targets. What about your inner circle?”

The Clean Scores

Grump straightened in his chair, shifting his attention to the next section of Stevie’s notes.

“Three clean scores,” he muttered, his tone softening slightly. “Donold Jr., Earwic, and Sniffany. No surprises there. Good kids. Good genes.”

Sparky snorted. “No surprises? What about Earwic? Isn’t he the same guy who spilled ketchup on your favorite golf jacket and then blamed it on the dog?”

Grump frowned, his tone defensive. “That was years ago, Sparky. And besides, Stevie’s science is solid. You can’t argue with science.”

“Sure,” Sparky said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “What about Sniffany? Didn’t her father-in-law get exposed as a fraud? Claimed he was a billionaire and got caught running a pyramid scheme instead?”

Grump sniffed, his jaw tightening. “That’s ancient history. I cut him out of the circle, didn’t I? Sniffany’s smart enough to learn from his mistakes. She knows better than to cross me.”

Sparky raised an eyebrow. “If you say so.”

Grump’s face brightened slightly as he added, “Donold Jr., though. Solid. Always loyal. A chip off the old block.”

“You’re sure about that?” Sparky pressed.

Grump nodded firmly. “Of course. He’s my heir. He understands the importance of loyalty.”

The Borderline Cases

Grump moved on to the borderline cases, his tone growing serious again.

“Kash Kartel and Pam Blondi,” he muttered. “Expected. They’re sharks, but useful sharks. I keep them close, Sparky, because I know they’ll bite if I let them. But as long as I give them what they want, they’ll stay in line.”

Sparky tilted his head. “And what happens if someone else offers them something better?”

Grump shrugged. “Then they’re out. Simple as that. Loyalty’s a two-way street, Sparky. You just have to make sure your lane’s got the bigger toll booth.”

Sparky snorted, smoke curling from his nostrils. “Interesting philosophy.”

Grump smirked. “It’s not a philosophy. It’s business.”

The Final Name

Grump’s hand hovered over the last name on the list. Melanomia. His wife. The woman he had brought over from Ukraine. The queen of his empire.

His chest tightened as he stared at the name, the score—clear evidence of disloyalty—mocking him in black ink.

“Melanomia,” he said quietly, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

Sparky leaned closer, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. “That one hits hard, huh?”

Grump didn’t respond immediately, his thoughts swirling. Finally, he let out a long sigh.

“It doesn’t make sense, Sparky. She’s supposed to be loyal. I gave her everything.”

“Everything?” Sparky repeated. “Really? Because from where I’m sitting, it looks like you might have... overextended yourself.”

Grump’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t overextend. I invest. And Melanomia was the ultimate investment. When I met her, she was... she was...” He hesitated.

“A model?” Sparky offered, smirking.

“A high-end model,” Grump corrected sharply. “Fashion lingerie. Classy stuff. The photos were tasteful—just showing off her beautiful body. Nothing wrong with that.”

“And the $$$$ in her profile?” Sparky pressed.

Grump bristled. “That’s irrelevant. It just meant she had high standards. Which I met! I gave her the best of everything—Maga Logo, private jets, diamonds as big as her hand. She’s got no reason to be disloyal.”

“Except for...” Sparky trailed off, raising an eyebrow.

Grump waved him off, his face reddening. “So what if I’ve... stepped out a few times? That’s part of the job, Sparky. Comes with the power.”

“‘Part of the job,’” Sparky echoed, his tone skeptical. “Interesting perspective.”

Grump straightened, his expression hardening. “Loyalty isn’t optional, Sparky. It’s not negotiable. And Melanomia’s going to learn that the hard way.”